One of the reasons why Street Fighter has such staying power is the characters. They’re just a lot of fun! That’s why they’re in movies and comic books and toys and such. So I figured I’d take a quick look at the fighters in SFIV.

Ryu
He’s just a karate dude who can poop out fireballs. Kind of boring, really. You’d think Capcom would create a more interesting character to be kind of the series’ spokesperson.

Ken
He’s a little more interesting than Ryu because he, um, wears red. When I was younger and SF2 first came out, a magazine had profiles of all the characters and under Ken’s bio it said his favorite food was spaghetti. I think they made that up. Next to the bio was a picture of a super happy Ken doing an uppercut, so I drew a little word balloon right beside him that said “I like spaghetti!” And from then on, for some reason I always associate Ken with spaghetti. In the SFIV story mode, Ken’s wife is going to have a baby. Ken had better not force his kid to be a fighter if he or she doesn’t want to!

Chun-Li
She’s OK, I guess. At least she looks like she can fight stuff. She could kick you into next week…literally…with those big ol’ legs of hers. The only thing that annoys me is when people claim she’s the first female of video games. That title belongs to Ms. Pac-Man, gosh darn it!

E. Honda
He’s just a sumo guy. Does anyone actually like E. Honda?

Blanka
He’s a pretty cool green jungle man. Some of his moves are hard to pull off, but I’ve seen some experts who really know how to use this character and they’re unstoppable! I like how he scratches his butt at the beginning of a fight in SF4. I think it’s funny how Dan is the only one who can understand what Blanka is saying. But then, I can understand Blanka just fine, too. That’s not…unusual…is it?

Zangief
This guy is powerful in SF4. If you’re playing against him and he’s the CPU, you’d better keep your distance or he’ll automatically pick you up and do his spinny piledriver move on you! I’m no expert player and I even figured that out! I think that Zangief and Rainbow Mika should be friends.

Guile
He could have radio controlled airplanes take off from his flattop hair. That should be one of his attacks. Funny story about Guile: When I was in high school and SF2 was popular in arcades, in my English class one day we had to read aloud a play about the Salem witch trials. Each person got a character to read lines. I got Guiles Corey, a guy who was sentenced to death by getting boulders piled on him until he was crushed. But because of his name being so similar to Guile’s, every time I started reading my lines, the guy next to me kept whispering under his breath, “SONIC BOOM! SONIC BOOM!” I kept cracking up!

Dhalsim
They should make a “Stretch Armstrong” Dhalsim action figure. His long range attacks are good for beginners. In the story mode, Rufus thinks Dhalsim is an alien! How cool is that?

Balrog
He’s a boxer guy. Looks real intelligent (sarcasm). The names of the boss bad guys are all switched around in Japan, and Balrog is named M. Bison. Which makes sense as a parody of Mike Tyson.

Vega
He wears a mask and a claw. I think it’s neat how you can knock his mask and claw off in SFIV. If you knock his mask off and he wins, when he does his close up and his win quote, he sticks his tongue out at you. I think that’s why he wears a mask, so he can stick his tongue out at you without you even knowing it. I don’t like Vega much because he was mean to Chun-Li in the first anime.

Sagat
As the final boss in the first (and really crappy) Street Fighter game, Sagat’s character has a deep history in the Street Fighter universe. Not that I care, though. He’s so tall that many other characters can just duck under his attacks!

M. Bison
Hey, I thought he was supposed to be the last boss in these games, kind of like Bowser or Dr. Wily. I guess he doesn’t mind taking second fiddle this time around. He’s always smiling anyway. You know who I wish was in SFIV? In Street Fighter Alpha 3, M. Bison has a couple of bodyguards that are supposed to be like Cammy clones or something. They’re Juni and Juli, and they have funny outfits that look just alike. I know Capcom meant for them to be cold, relentless, brainwashed killing machines, but every time I see them, I can’t help but think of them as dopey, clumsy, bad guy sidekicks like TMNT’s Bebop and Rocksteady or TV’s Frank from MST3K. Don’t you think Juni and Juli would be cooler that way? I do. I know that if I were an evil mastermind, I’d want a couple of pals like Juni and Juli around to mess things up!

Abel
He’s one of the new characters. He’s just a fighter who likes to wear blue. Kinda boring, really. I don’t know how he can touch his toes or reach his head or scratch his back or rub his nose, though. He has too many muscles!

Crimson Viper
Another new character. She’s some sort of spy. She’s kind of neat. At least she is fully clothed. Except her shirt is weird. Only bad thing about her is in the anime she wasn’t very nice to Cammy. In the game, she likes to talk on her cell phone a lot. Sometimes when she’s talking on her phone, she’ll say in a nice, sweet voice, “Oh that’s great, sweetie.” I wonder who she’s talking to? Does she have a kid? “Mommy, I just drew a race car!” “Oh that’s great, sweetie.” Maybe she has a boyfriend and he called to tell her he just drew a race car. Maybe not. Every time I call a girl and tell her I drew a race car, she hangs up! Ha ha! Just joking. I’m not THAT weird. At any rate, it is kind of cool that some of the Street Fighter characters talk in a nice voice instead of saying “GRRRR, I’M GOING TO BEAT YOU UP” all the time.

Rufus
He’s big and fat and takes jiggle physics to a new meaning. He’s really gross, but I think he’s hilarious. In his storyline, he’s trying to fight Ken, so when he meets another fighter with blond hair, he thinks that’s Ken. Even Cammy and Guile! He even has a girlfriend named Candy, and the less said about that, the better. Don’t roll over on her and squish her, Rufus. And his win quotes are whole paragraphs long! I think they should’ve gone all the way with the fat jokes, though. Make him bounce back Ryu’s fireballs with his belly. BOING! Or maybe he can throw slices of pizza and hamburgers stored in his fat rolls as projectiles! I’ve read a lot of people don’t like Rufus, but I don’t care. I think he rocks. He’s almost as funny as Dan! Definitely one of my new favorites.

El Fuerte
Another new character. This guy’s pretty cool, too. He’s a Mexican masked wrestler, but he’s also a chef. When he starts a fight, he’s holding a frying pan and says, “It’s Super Dynamic Cooking Time!” I don’t know why he doesn’t use the frying pan in the fight, though. He could BONG someone on the head with it and make them want to eat at Golden Corral. Some of his moves are pretty funny, like the Habanera Dash. I also like how he’s a good sport when he wins. In his win quotes he says stuff like “Now we’re amigos. Come eat at my restaurant anytime.” If I were a fighting game character, I’d want to be friendly and helpful, too. El Fuerte is a bit of a racial stereotype, but hey, all the characters are. But I don’t think they meant any harm by it. El Fuerte is also little brother Jeff’s new favorite SF character.

Seth
He’s the final boss of SF4. He’s like a robot that can do all the other characters’ moves. He looks like the Silver Surfer after swallowing a basketball. He’s a pretty cheap boss, but then, aren’t they all in these games? I don’t like his name, though. Seth doesn’t instill fear in me, it just makes me think of the guy who comes into the office to repair our copiers. Robots need to have acronym names, like S.E.T.H. Um…Super Electronic Thrasher Humanoid? See, that doesn’t work either.

Akuma
He’s usually a super secret boss in the games, so since I suck at fighting games, I never get to see him. In fact, most of my knowledge of Akuma stems from his appearance in Puzzle Fighter. I know he says MMMM a lot, must’ve just had a really good meal. I know there’s a boss in Mega Man X4 that’s just a parody of Akuma. And that’s all I know!

Gen
He’s just an old dude in a bathrobe. He says some pretty mean things in his win quotes, though.

Gouken
He’s a super secret character that I’ll probably never see or be able to unlock. He’s another old dude but he’s super muscular. Must be taking his Centrum Silver.

Fei-Long
Just another martial arts dude without a shirt on. Storyline says he’s supposed to be a movie actor or something.

Sakura
Ugh. You know, Sakura is supposed to be a silly character, so you’d think I’d like her. But she comes across as being more annoying than anything. Now, Sakura was a schoolgirl in the Street Fighter Alpha games, which took place before the Street Fighter 2, 3, and 4, games, right? Then why is she STILL a schoolgirl in SFIV? If she would focus more on her books instead of her fights, she probably wouldn’t be a schoolgirl anymore! And she shows off her panties too much.

Rose
I guess she’s kind of cool because she has purple-y hair and fights in a fancy dress and has a yellow scarf like Protoman.

Dan
Dan is probably my second favorite character. He a joke character, and also makes fun of some of Capcom competitor SNK’s character designs. Dan wears a pink karate suit, he has a Ryu-like fireball that barely goes anywhere, and most of his special moves are just taunts! In Pocket Fighter, he throws autographs as an attack, and his block formation in Puzzle Fighter is all red. He’s also usually the loser punching bag in these games. Street Fighter needs more funny characters like Dan. I wish the live action Chun-Li movie was about Dan instead. I think it would be a lot better.

Cammy
She’s my favorite Street Fighter character. Which is a little unfortunate because she’s also considered one of the ‘fan service’ characters, what with her perchance for showing off her rear end and all. So I get a lot of, “Oh I KNOW why you like her.” But that’s not the case at all. And even if it was, I sure wouldn’t admit it to any of you! Ha ha! Anyway, the reason why Cammy is my favorite is this: When Super Street Fighter 2 first came out in arcades, one of my very best friends and I decided to give it a try. Now, my friend was VERY good at this game, I never saw him lose to another human player. So I knew I would get clobbered, but I gave it a try anyway. I picked one of the new characters because she had a cool red hat. And you know what? For the first time, I actually beat my friend! We were both pretty surprised! From then on I decided that Cammy would be my favorite character. I can pull off her moves fairly regularly, and she even had her own awesome Dreamcast shooter (Cannon Spike). And she looks really cool in SFIV.

Who are YOUR favorite characters in Street Fighter IV?

Tags: Misc