Sims 3 is pricey and Sims 2 still looks good, has loads of extras and can be found pretty cheap. Plus, I got a few letters, and one forum post, complimenting my Sims 3 story and article (scroll down). I went to Yahoo to see if they still had my old Sims 2: Meet the SimBubs article up and ready to link.  They didn’t. Ah well, hope you enjoy meeting a family based on my own

“Honey!” Linda calls me from upstairs. “We’re going for a walk. Are you coming?”

“No!” I call back. “I’m working. I’ve got to come up with a feature for that new Sims game, remember?”

I click absentmindedly on the mouse — I wish I could go on that walk. I rarely have time to spend with the whole family. But don’t pity me; I’m playing a video game for money.

“Okay! Why don’t you just wall them in, or take away the pool ladder again?” she suggests. I hear a crash and Henry, my toddler, starts crying.

“I didn’t do it!” shouts his four-year old sister Maggie, a little too quickly.

“Nah, too obvious!” I shout back, fighting the urge to run upstairs to help.

Linda shouts two separate commands at roughly the same time: “Maggie say you’re sorry!” and “Henry, NO! Put that down!”

Maggie apologizes and Henry, presumably, puts “that” down.

“Don’t worry, hon! It’ll come to you,” Linda calls sweetly down the stairs.

And then it does.

With deft and confident strokes of the mouse, I launch The Sims 2 and quickly create the SimBub family. Linda, Maggie (the little girl), Henry (the toddler), and myself, Andrew. The sim versions of us look close enough and I choose Strangeville as our location. It has an X-Files vibe and I’m a geek as well as a dad. Somehow, my wife and I manage our busy schedules and the constant demands of a toddler and a four-year old girl. It takes four “in-game” days for a toddler to reach childhood. Let’s see how well our sim-counterparts do, shall we?

Day One: Moving In

We can’t afford a big house, and all of us are going to have to sleep together. Our furniture is simple and cheap, and we can’t afford a crib for SimHenry. But he’s a toddler, right? He can sleep anywhere.

Standing outside of our house, I immediately have SimLinda flirt with SimAndrew (watching this is thrilling in a way that only people who have been married for six years can understand). The arrival of an unwelcome party of neighbors stops us from becoming a family of five (ahem!), and SimLinda, tired from the flirting, goes inside and goes right to sleep… in her underwear. My fault, I couldn’t resist. SimMaggie goes and jumps on her bed and SimAndrew tries to teach him to walk!

The SimBubs Meet the wacky neighbors Henry’s first steps!

Day Two: Underwear Day

In the morning, SimAndrew goes to work as a caddie (video game reviewer wasn’t an option) and SimMaggie goes to school. SimHenry, alone downstairs, stinks to high heaven but has the TV for company. But have no fear, SimLinda is awake! She comes downstairs, still in her underwear, and makes herself breakfast. SimHenry passes out on the floor next to her. SimLinda spends much of the day in her underwear, which is starting to worry me.

An odd thing happens when she takes SimHenry upstairs. She comes down to the dining room table and collapses in sorrow. The thought bubble shows family. A fine thing to cry about it now, SimLinda! After you spent the morning in your undergarments ignoring your son! Why can’t you be more like RealLinda? She’s an awesome mother!

That night, the television conks out. SimLinda helpfully reads a book about cooking while SimAndrew proves almost as good at TV repair as RealAndrew. Later that evening SimAndrew collapses behind the couch because he’s tired.

The electronic babysitter Should Henry be sleeping there? Mother’s nervous breakdown

Day Three: Puddles and Troubles

SimAndrew sleeps through work and wakes up with a full bladder. Before I can order him to the bathroom, he decides the floor is a fine place to pee. He spends the rest of the day caring for SimHenry. SimMaggie comes home from school sad and depressed. She didn’t do her homework last night — what with all TV repair going on — so she’s dropped a grade.

SimLinda, for some reason, takes a naked sponge bath in the kitchen sink. Neighbors stop by and walk in and out of the kitchen while this is happening. SimLinda has a few other problems as well. SimLinda begins to cry a lot. She’s never available when the kids need her, and when she needs them she cuddles a sack of flour.

The day ends with SimMaggie happily splashing in the puddle of urine. No parents are nearby to stop her.

High-fashion TV repair Kitchen sponge bath Maggie splashes in the tinkle

Day Four: Therapy and Ultra-Violence

SimLinda is now bonkers (that’s the clinical term). She’s clucking like a chicken, cuddling her sack of flour, and sometimes acting like a monkey. A Freudian therapist appears and helps her out.

For the rest of the day, we take care of SimLinda’s needs. She helps SimMaggie with her homework, she teaches SimHenry how to walk and talk. Whatever you want SimLinda, just back away from the sack of flour! Please!

That night, SimAndrew brings a friend home from work. All hell breaks loose. Here’s how it went down: SimLinda and Joel didn’t get along from the start. She wanted to talk about pacifiers and he only had sailboats on his mind. I moved SimAndrew over to tell Joel to leave. I clicked the wrong option, choosing “flirt.” Joel liked the flirting and SimLinda went ballistic. The pent up rage of underwear sponge baths, urine behind the couch, and clucking like a chicken, comes to a nasty head and she slaps Joel in the face. He slaps back.

Oh no! It’s on!

SimAndrew cheers his wife on as her domestic rage (and insanity) culminates in a smoky Joel-butt-kicking. She sends him from the home in tears and SimAndrew and SimLinda spend much of the night making out. This is probably the only real-world parallel between the game and my life, by the way. [Sure it is! -Ed]

Dr. Feelgood comes to visit Oh, it’s ON, brother! SimHenry made it to childhood!

Day Five: SimHenry Grows Up!

SimHenry grows up! He’s a little boy with a bad haircut, while SimLinda and SimAndrew somehow survived those four days. Both kids are rated exceptional, both parents are unhappy, insane to different degrees, short-tempered, exhausted, and… well, in many ways they’re remarkably like real parents. I guess it’s all worthwhile so long as the kids turn out okay, right? We’ll see, the kids have about 28 in-game days to go. Will the SimBubs survive?

Tags: Game Reviews, Movies with Children