Wolfenstein has a longer, more glorious, past than most people think. It did singlehanded launch the 3D shooter craze still alive and kicking today, it was one of the first opportunities to kick the Nazi’s in the butt, it also gave us the most badass Polish hero ever, it also existed as a fun top-down strategy shooter back in the 80’s. Now Activision and iD have brought it back – and kids are going to want it.

When I was a teen when the controversy over Castle Wolfenstein first erupted in my house. My mom didn’t like it, but my dad thought the stickfigures saying “Ach! Comancie” as they were being gunned down, hilarous. The platform was Apple, the graphics green and 2D and the gameplay unpresecented. The original let you throw grenades and the sequel, the “Return to” let you bring a bomb-laden briefcase to Hitler’s front door. Ultimately the state-of-the-art but pathetic graphics won the arguement, well that and the fact that the game was already in the computer.

These games were great. Then came Wolfenstein 3D, the genesis of the 3D shooter, the demo format and mighty iD Software – a company that thrived on innovation and controversy, but not story. In College I played that demo over-and-over again. I’d wanted a 3D shooter all my life – without knowing it – and the only game who could dislodge me from Wolf3D was Doom (and then X-Wing, but that’s when everything changed). When upgrading my computer my dad saw Wolf3D and was shocked. To him it looked like murder and he missed the more comical earlier game. He no longer thinks that way, but his reaction taught me a lot about how non-gamers viewed the things I’d been dreaming of playing.

A couple “modern” remakes have dropped during the next decade – I’ve written articles much like this before – but now it’s  2009 and there’s a new Wolfie in town, and it’s somehow the most nondescript of the bunch. It’s not bad per se, just dull and uninspired. Either that or its a homage to the simplicity of the Wolf3D era. Regardless it’s a Raven production and Raven, while competetant, thrives on making games quick and dirty.

Oh, it’s got a bizarre Nazis and Alien Tech or Dark Magic aspect, with dimensions, floating baloon animals, and hyper-blow glowing SS troopers (the worst kind). It’s got monsters, bosses and weird weapons. It’s got BJ the Badass Jew working for a lazily voice-acted French Resistence. But my recommendation doesn’t matter, Metacritic.com and GameRankings.com will happily give you that.

Your here to find out what age I’d recommend.

* LANGUAGE: There’s no language concerns. “Shit” can be heard occasionally – but “shit” is allowed on PrimeTime TV for TV-14 rated shows. “Kill the American” is something you expect Nazi’s to say, and they give orders to each other in English.

* BLOOD & GORE/INTENSE VIOLENCE: Lots of this. Body parts blow up and anti-gravity sometimes kicks in making the corpses and limbs float. Blood stains the walls, lightly and if you get a headshot, faces disappear leaving redness behind. Hit ’em in the neck and blood spurts.

This is yet another example of a game clearly made for 14 year old maturity, sophistication and tastes – only it’s too violent for most parents to stomach. I’d agree with the ESRB here, except on the language, this is a game with Mature R-rated violence. Sorry kids, but don’t worry, there’s still plenty of Nazi’s to kill on other games.

Tags: Game Reviews