At the end of last month, I reviewed Transformers: Fall of Cybertron. I really enjoyed the game because it was more like the original toy line and cartoon that I remember back in the 80’s, not the recent Michael Bay movies. Aside from the cool special effects, I never really did like the Michael Bay Transformers movies. Anytime the robots were not fighting it was really awful, especially anything having to do with the human characters. But I never complained too much because this WAS a movie based on an old toy line and 30 minute commercial disguised as a cartoon. You can’t expect too much out of that. But because of the new game, I’ve been on a bit of a Transformers kick lately, so I thought that in this blog, I’d list my top five favorite Autobots and top five favorite Decepticons.

Autobots

These are the good guys in the Transformers world. I guess I should mention that all these on my list are from the ‘Generation One’ line. I’m not too familiar with more modern toys like Beast Wars or the Prime series. And the less said about the Transformers Kiss manga, the better (blech). Although I do like the fact there is a new Transformers cartoon for little kids called Rescue Bots. And since I don’t know where else to put it, I’ll say that even though it was based on the movies, I enjoyed the Transformers ride when I went to Universal Studios back at E3. When we were waiting in line for it, an employee was telling all sorts of bad Transformers jokes, like, “What are Optimus Prime’s mom and dad called? Trans-parents.” Aside from Star Wars, Transformers was the only toy line I really got into as a kid. Never was much into other 80’s boy toys like He-Man, G.I. Joe, TMNT, etc. And once I discovered home video game consoles, I decide that was worth more of my time than action figures. And it’s been that way since, so in a way I guess I’ve never grown up! Ha ha! Well, anyway, let’s get to my favorite Autobots.

Ironhide

There are lots of reasons why this guy is my favorite. When the Transformers toy line first came out when I was a kid, I wasn’t interested in it right away. But one day, my dad came home from a business trip and brought me a present with him. And it was Ironhide, my first Transformer toy. I liked the ‘irony’ that while all the other ‘bots turned into cool things like trucks and race cars and dinosaurs and jets and construction equipment, Ironhide just turned into a red van. He was the soccer mom of the Autobots. I also thought it was amusing that Ironhide’s robot form looked nothing like his robot form on the cartoon. Part of that reason was the original Transformers toy line was made up of a bunch of Japanese robot toy lines, which is why so many of them looked mismatched.

And speaking of the cartoon, after receiving my first toy, I started watching the show. The cartoon was pretty horrible, as it was basically a 30 minute commercial for the toy line. But you know, as a kid I didn’t know any better and thought it was neat anyway. Ironhide was especially cool on the show because he was tough and strong, talked like a Texan, and when the leader Optimus Prime was out of commission (which happened quite a bit in the cartoon), Ironhide would step up to temporarily lead the Autobots.

But while Ironhide was my key into getting into the Transformers, he was also the trigger that started to make me be disinterested in them, too. At the height of the Transformers popularity in the 80’s, they had a full length animated cartoon in movie theaters one summer. That was a big deal for us kids back then! Possibly in an effort to make the cartoon movie more mature, or to allow Hasbro to discontinue some of the toys, they killed off a lot of characters in the movie. Including Ironhide (I think he was the first to go)! I even brought my Ironhide toy with me to the movie theater, so I was pretty disappointed when that happened. Plus he died in the worst possible way, getting his head blown off by Megatron at point blank range! Oh yeah, and leader Optimus Prime died, too.

I never really complained about this too much, because even as a kid I knew this was just a cartoon and silly toy line for kids. But even so, killing off a lot of the characters just seemed a little off putting to me. I know they wanted to make the movie more mature, but this was still a kids’ toy line. Couldn’t they have just made the discontinued characters go off to another dimension or far away adventure or something? I bet they wouldn’t something so drastic nowadays.

So ever since they killed Ironhide, I wasn’t into Transformers as much after that. Of course, there were lots of other reasons, too. The next season of the cartoon, based on the events after the movie, wasn’t near as good and lost its charm on me. The new toys were not as fun to play with either and turned into futuristic cars that looked more like used bars of soap. Plus I was just getting older and possibly growing out of the toys. You know how fickle kids are.

Cosmos

This was the first Transformers toy I bought with my own money. He turned into a green UFO and since I’ve always liked UFOs, I thought this guy was cool. He was a really little toy. I had a lot of the little Transformers (like Bumblebee) because that’s all I could afford to buy with my allowance. That’s probably why Hasbro made the little toys like that, too, for kids to buy with their spending money. The bigger Transformer toys were more for birthday and Christmas gifts.

Perceptor

One of the Japanese robot toy lines they used in Transformers was called “Microman.” These toys turned into real life items that actually worked. I’m pretty sure Perceptor was one of those toys because he turned into a real life microscope! Granted it didn’t work very WELL, and you wouldn’t want to take Perceptor to your college science lab. But as a kid, we all thought the microscope was still cool to play with. Even though he isn’t playable, I like how they put Perceptor in the new video game.

Tracks

I always just kept this guy in his car form, because I thought it looked cool. He was a blue Trans-Am looking car. In the cartoon he was kind of snooty and snobby if I remember correctly. But at least his car form was cool.

Omega Supreme

This was the ‘biggie’ Christmas present I got one year. As his name implies, he was a HUGE Transformer that turned into a rocket base, and his head was a car that ran around a track. Of course, looking back on it now, he was a pain in the butt to transform, so I don’t know why I liked him so much. The next Christmas I got another giant Transformer toy: Metroplex. He turned into a city, but his city form just looked like him sitting down. And he was also a pain to transform. Although I do think it’s neat how they brought back Metroplex in the new game.

I had a lot of other toys, too, so I’ll give a couple an honorable mention here. I convinced my dad to buy me Ultra Magnus because he stored cars in his trailer, so it would help me keep my room organized (yeah right). I also had Jetfire (or was it Skyfire), who was really just a Macross/Robotech plane (again, different Japanese toy lines). And even though I didn’t like the ‘future’ toys as much, Kup was cool because he turned into a weird looking flatbed truck. And Huffer was a tiny little orange mac truck, who cracked me up because one time on the cartoon he pulled Optimus Prime’s trailer, which could never happen with the toys. The Dinobots were cool in the cartoon, but I don’t think I ever had any of those toys.

Decepticons

I’ve always tended to root for the good guys more than the bad guys (except for in Mario games), so I didn’t have as many Decepticon toys. And speaking of ‘evil,’ when I was into Transformers as a kid I wasn’t quite old enough to stay home by myself, so for a few months after school I stayed with a family from church until my dad would pick me up after work. This family thought cartoons like He-Man and Transformers were evil and satanic, which I always thought was STUPID. So I couldn’t watch them over at their house. Luckily that only lasted a few months. I didn’t like them very much.

Soundwave

This was one of the toys I HAD to have after first watching the cartoon. Soundwave was so cool. He turned into a tape deck and even his tapes turned into little things like birds and panthers. His voice was awesome, too, even though I think it was just Frank Welker talking from behind an oscillating fan. I’ve always wondered if the Soundwave toy was part of the Microman toy line as well. Because in the back of the US toy, there was a huge empty space perfect for a couple of batteries to fit into. Could the Soundwave in Japan really play tapes?

Shockwave

I got him for my birthday one year. I would always get him and Soundwave mixed up! Like Megatron, he turned into a gun but Shockwave’s gun was WAY cooler. Shockwave’s gun form was a cool purple color and he even made sound effects! Both Soundwave and Shockwave are in the new Transformers game (not playable though), so I think that’s cool, too.

Constructicons

I think I bought these for a friend’s birthday as a kid, but ended up keeping them for myself. Hey, kids aren’t perfect. The Constructicons turned into various construction vehicles like a bulldozer, dump truck, and cement mixer. But they were the first of the robots that could form into one giant robot, kind of like the Power Rangers. I never understood why they were colored green and purple, though. I think in Japan they were colored more accurately, like the yellows and oranges of real construction vehicles.

Kickback

He was one of the Insecticons that turned into bugs. I think he was a grasshopper. I just thought he looked cool and his black and purple and green colors were neat.

Astrotrain

A few of the toys in the Transformers line could turn into three things! A robot and two vehicles. Astrotrain was one of those toys. I don’t remember ever owning him as a toy, but I do remember playing with him, so maybe a friend had it. He turned into a space shuttle and a train. He cracked me up because he was purple, so his space shuttle form looked especially silly. Aren’t these supposed to be ‘robots in disguise?’ A purple space shuttle isn’t very inconspicuous. Even better was his train form, which looked more like an old timey steam locomotive than a modern train. I loved it in the cartoon when the Decepticons would use his train form to get from place to place. It just looked so silly.

Roll Out!

And that’s all I feel like talking about Transformers right now. I don’t have any of the Transformers toys I had as a kid, because a few years later down the line, we sold them all at a garage sale. But you know what? I don’t feel too bad about that. You can’t keep EVERYTHING, and my house is full of enough junk as it is. So in the comments section, let me know YOUR favorite Autobots and Decepticons. And ladies, I apologize if this blog was too male-centric. I didn’t know any girls who liked Transformers as a kid, so if you did, sound out as well!

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